i am ryanarrowsmith

About

My story

My name is Ryan Arrowsmith and I’m a 26-year-old ginger living in Oklahoma. This is my personal website that I’ve run since about 2004. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys talking about myself and I suck at writing in the third-person, but I’ll tell you what you need to know about me to understand my site and who I am (as much as you can without meeting someone).

I am a young gay man living in the midwest in America. Oklahoma, like most of the states surrounding it, is a pretty conservative state. But I have hope, I feel the winds of change a-blowin’, blowin’ on in. I am happily partnered to the funniest and most caring man I have ever met, Brian. We met 6 years ago and have been peas in a pod ever since.

When I met Brian, he had already undergone a total heart transplantation due to a genetic defect (there are two other transplants in the family). Shortly after meeting him, I helped him struggle through two full hip replacements as the medications used to save his life during heart failure had degraded his hip joints.

In May of 2005, we got the most horrendous news possible. After weeks of being sick with what the doctors thought was a gall bladder issue, Brian landed in the Intensive Care Unit for 7 days. We were told immediately that he was back in heart failure and his only chance at survival was a second heart transplant. The first donor heart had serious muscle damage caused by genetic issues from the donor, nothing Brian had done incorrectly. When Brian was finally discharged, he had to wear an IV pack 24 hours a day. It delivered essential medication his body needed to keep functioning as normal.

Because Brian initially required around-the-clock care, we had to give up our home and move in with his parents (whom are amazing). From there, we waited. We waited for him to officially get listed for a new heart. We waited for approval from his insurance company. And then we waited for the call from the hospotal, informing us they had another heart. As we waited, Brian’s health continued to worsen. Every time the phone rang, the entire house fell quiet until we had confirmation it was/was not the clinic.

Four months later, we got the call. From there, it was a whirlwind. We were in the waiting room for over 24 hours as they prepped him, waited for the heart to arrive and then completed the surgery. Things went better than we could have expected and his recovery was relatively swift (there were some minor issues, but nothing we couldn’t handle).

During all of this, Brian and I handled each hurdle as they came. In addition to all of the normal issues that come with a terminal illness, we also had to deal with the fact that Brian and I had no legal protection.

My point is this: in a time where we had to deal with a terminal illness, the last thing we should have been worrying about is whether or not our commitment to each other would be recognized.

I hear the opposition talking about the “gay agenda” and what we’re up to all of the time, especially given where I live. What is the “gay agenda” exactly? Freedom? Recognition? Basic civil liberties? All we want is to have the basic protection for our lifetime relationships that Britney Spears can get in 15 minutes in a Vegas chapel.

After Brian came through the transplant successfully, I knew I had to do my part to make sure I was making my voice heard about gay rights. I read a story recently that said when “broken down by sexual orientation, about 40 percent of gay and bisexual students attempted suicide, compared to about 10 percent of their heterosexual peers”. 40%. That’s insane! We spend so much time spouting garbage to other adults, we don’t realize that the children hear it and they absorb it. Most of the time, parents assume their kids could never be gay. So, they spend all day bashing someone else or making homophobic comments, which their children hear and internalize. When they realize they are gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender, they’ve already heard their parents’ opinion on the matter, thus begins the struggle to cope.

But being gay isn’t bad. I don’t belive its a sin. My life has been blessed over and over again since I met Brian. Gay doesn’t mean abnormal, deviant, outsider, promiscous or anything else you’re told.

All of this considered, I knew that I had to do my part. I decided the best thing I can do to change the perception of what being gay is all about, is by just being myself. I lead a normal life: I got work, I love my family, I love my husband, I pay my taxes, I go to concerts…I have fun.

Okay, so that’s my pro-gay rant. Goooo gays! :)

Random Factoids

I am twenty five, I am an advanced services tech for a phone company, I am a virgo (I don’t know if that’s good or bad), I live in Oklahoma (USA), I am a hopeless romantic who believes it is the small things that count, I have red hair, I drive a Honda Accord, I love to read, I couldn’t imagine my life without music, I have green eyes, I own one dog (a black and white Shih Tzu named Charlie [Charlotte]), I am gay, I am five feet and eleven inches tall, I am typing numbers for the fun of it, Brian (my man) is the most brilliant journalist on Earth, I love my family, I believe the Goonies could possibly be the best film ever made, I love Apple computers, my glass is always half full, I love taking pictures but I am not great at it, I love my husband (I am great at that), I wear size eleven shoes, my parents are divorced and that’s okay, Brian and I just bought our first home this year, I believe you should be viewed by how you love not who you love, I love to draw and sketch, I love the web, I am a Batman fanboy, I love gaming and would be lost without my Xbox 360, I wish the world would find peace, I’m starting to sound like a hippie (and I’m not really), I love going to concerts, I love Harry Potter, reading is a passion for me, I prefer children’s lit, I have a horrible (and unfounded) fear of needles, I am a spiritual person but I have gained much peace from lessons learned from Buddhism, I love the Wizard of Oz books, my nickname is Piggy, I believe that life is too short to be unhappy, I try to always be kind to others, I have big ears for my head, I love to tinker with web design, I like to scrapbook, my partner (Brian) is a two-time heart transplant survivor and is the reason I smile, I love seeing films, I love finding new things that keep my attention (hullo Flickr!), I don’t believe that any one person is better than another, I love Christmas, I love Halloween almost as much (it’s so fun!), I’m lucky enough to call my spouse my bestest friend, I like my freckles, I think Ella Fitzgerald is prolly the greatest singer to ever walk the Earth, I am addicted to electronic gadgets, Brian is the kindest man I’ve ever met, I don’t see my family enough (such is life as busy adults), I don’t like shopping for myself, My dog is the sweetest creature I have ever met, I believe our time on Earth is just a drop in the bucket, I love shopping for others, I can crochete, I’d like to buy the world a Coke (or a Diet Coke if you’re watching your carbs), I love to cook but I don’t make enough time for it and I love Grey’s Anatomy.

….I think that covers the basics for now. If you have any questions, use this form to contact me. I’d love to hear from you.

Frequently Asked Questions

These are actual questions I’ve received via my site.

What CMS do you use?
If you can’t tell, I use Wordpress to power my site. For my needs, WP is the Robin to my Batman. While I’m getting all the glory, Wordpress is behinds the scenes saving my arse and making me look good by doing all of the work.

My second favorite is Textpattern. If you’re just starting out on the web and want a customized site, Textpattern’s tagging system makes it amazingly simple. Though development has seemed so slow lately. No new update in 7 months? Hmmm.

What theme are you using?
I’m currently running an original theme I like to call Firebolt (’cause it’s fast than a Nimbus). Go Harry Potter geeks! It’s always in a state of development but that’s okay by me. Heck, even God took a rest after 6 days. Cut me some slack. (Note: tip-of-the-hat to Derek Punsalan. I’ve integrated a customized version of his awesome Ajax shelf from the Foliage theme).

Do you use any plugins?
Yes. I use (in alphabetical order): Addicted Live Search, Akismet (a must), Corrector, Customizable Posts Listing, FlickrRSS, Related Posts, Ultimate Tag Warrior and the Wordpress Database Backup. I’m still trying to find a plugin that writes the posts for me. :)

Who is your host?
Dreamhost. I’m keeping it real — they’re not great. They do offer a ton of space and features for minimal coin. But the downtime is unreal. I’ve never gone a month without some downtime. But, because of the number of sites I host, I can’t move anywhere else without blowing my monthly cost up beyond belief. Whaddyagonnado?

Do you like gummi cola bottles?
Absolutely.

If you could have dinner with only one person who would it be?
Ella Fitzgerald.

Why do you blog?
It started out as a way to communicate with my family without writing the same e-mail 30 times or making a million phone calls (I hate the phone). Then one day, I just sort of loved it. I don’t know why or when but I can’t imagine my life without this web junk in it.

….and because I can. Up yours communist China.

Why are you gay?
That’s a good question. I believe that homosexuality is a genetic trait as much as eye and hair color are. Most of the gay individuals I know are not the first in their family. There’s usually an uncle, aunt or cousin who is also homosexual.

I don’t believe it’s a choice we can make. I tried to make a choice and be the person everyone expected. It didn’t work. In fact, it made me feel so ashamed to be myself, I almost didn’t pull through.

The truth is, no one knows for sure why anyone ends up gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. But I don’t believe I am a mistake or living in sin. I am a spiritual person and I love my God. Over the past 6 years, my life has been repeatedly blessed as has my relationship with the love of my life, Brian. To me, there is no disputing God’s acceptance of our love.

Whew. Getting heavy.

I am who I am. I am more concerned with trying to be a good person than conforming to what society views as normal. I work hard, pay my taxes, love my family and mind my own business. It shoudn’t be anyone else’s concern who I love. Ya know?

Do you know Ellen?
No, we must go to different chapter meetings. Big fan of her work, though.

Who’s your favorite band?
Too many to name. I’m working on this one.

If you could be any animal, what would you be?
I’d want to be an elephant ’cause nobody effs with them.

I need some advice on < insert something stereotypically gay here > . Can you help me?
No, that’s Queer Eye. I’d charge you a consulting fee anyway. Afterall, it pays to be a personal gay these days.

Are you related to the band?
Yes. Because there is actually a member of the band with the last name Aerosmith. And look at the spelling asshat. :)

Can you help me with my site?
Actually, yeah. I’ve learned what I know through examining code and with the help of others. I believe in the open source web. You learn and then you give back. So I’d be happy to help get you set up and working but don’t really have time to customize a theme for you or work on your content. I’m only one man! :) If you ever have any questions, don’t hesitate to e-mail me. ryanarrowsmith [at] gmail dot com.

Why is our president such an idiot?
Excellent question. I’d say too much whiskey and coccaine.

What do you use for e-mail management?
I use Gmail for everything because it’s bloody brilliant. I signed up for their hosted e-mail beta so now all of my website e-mail funnels into them as well. To make it easy — there’s no one who does webmail better than them. It’s designed so logically that it’s hard to use anything else.

Why don’t people just be nice to each other?
I’m not sure but I wish we could figure this one out.

What do you use for picture hosting/sharing?
I use Flickr. If you don’t, you are missing out on the best site out there.

Why do you have red hair?
In my family, red hair is primarily a recessive gene. The combination of my parent’s genes seems to have increased this gene’s potency greatly (as my brother is also a certain shade of ginger).

How did we manage before Google?
I honestly don’t know.